Hippity Bippity Hop

“What is that god awful sound?” I think to myself as I watched the kids in the colony go crazy. Apparently it’s called hip-hop. The kids these days will listen to all kinds of rubbish. My wife tells me I’m getting old. Sometimes I think she’s hit the bull’s eye.  

Watching the videos on TV these days you’d think there was a shortage of cloth in the world and I have to check the date repeatedly. You see I grew up watching post apocalyptic movies and in all of them the human race was clad in rags or some weird sort of battle armor…  WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES so to speak. Ever seen Land of Doom? How about She Wolves of Wasteland? If you have, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, it’s not worth a watch. Most of the music videos on TV have the same generic look and feel. Black rapper with a scantily clad woman on either arm, gyrating to a hip hop beat, mumbling words frequently interspersed with various slang for the rear of a woman’s anatomy.  I don’t care much for hip-hop, that’s true.

But they say music is the purest form of communication. By that logic hip-hop is possibly the purest form of abuse or it’s a fact that we all are horny, depending on the song you’re listening to. You only need to hear “Candy shop” once to know this. Every time I see a hip-hop video I want to rush out and donate some of my meager salary to cladding the poor lasses. Not so the gents though. They're clad to the point of being over clad  Loose pants, over-sized shoes, vest, ill fitting t-shirts topped off with huge jackets. Even their teeth are clothed in gold. And don't get me started on their jewellery. Mebbe they should give some of their clothes to those poor gyrating girls. Of course, some of the songs make no sense. Take Snoop Dogg’s “Drop it like its Hot”. Drop what like it’s hot? A brick? A red hot poker? A marshmallow? I couldn’t be bothered to look up the lyrics.

Ok so you’re still here bristling and calling me a frump but that’s ok. I understand everyone has their tastes and their opinions and I’m sorry if I’ve ruffled your feathers but I just don’t get hip-hop. Sure I know about the history of hip-hop and the cultural background it comes from. I listened to the Sugar Hill Gang. I understand the music in its infancy represented the voice of the youth from low-economic areas. I understand that the hip-hop culture reflected the realities of their lives. However most of the songs I hear or see on the tele have something to do with a woman’s bottom or being proud of being a gun toting delinquent. That and the lack of clothes.

Yeah I don’t get hip-hop today. I think maybe you should get in line behind my wife and call me an old man. I’ll just plug in my headphones and listen to some “Frank Sinatra” or “Astral Projection”. Peace.